They were fish out of water at times, but their energy was restrained and calculated their mystique was downright subtle compared to the hyperactive toddlers they immediately became in the aftermath of the first film’s success. They were workers, dedicated and loyal with decent brains and some novel, abstract charisma. The minions, for one brief moment in time, for one single film, were actually quite funny. Yes, even the minions, specifically designed to jabber nonsense and offer manic, surreal comic relief, have become hollowed out pawns of creatively bankrupt writers and executives. Granted, few in the Minions 2 audience will care much about arcs or canonical integrity, but it’s still worth mentioning how far these little yellow guys have fallen. After the success of the first film, Illumination immediately pivoted to shine the spotlight on what they considered to be the true stars of the first show – the minions. No sequel, short, spin-off, or merchandise has come close to capturing the heart and soul of the original Despicable Me…but this is by design. These films are good to sit your kids in front of if you need an afternoon nap (I think they are, I don’t know, I don’t have kids) which is a sad state for a franchise which offered such refreshing, emotional arcs in its first entry. It’s a franchise whose sharp, steep decline began with its first sequel, and the precarious drop has only accelerated through the increasingly lazy, hollow follow-ups. There’s no beating around the bush – the Despicable Me franchise has nowhere to go and nothing to say. If you want or are expecting much in the way of story, don’t bother the plot is mostly a pretense for a series of Three Stooges like setups for the minions and some extremely tenuous character development for Gru as he interacts with newcomer Wild Knuckles, voiced by a very tired Alan Arkin. The film follows Gru and the minions as they first attempt to impress a team of supervillains, then deal with the fallout of those actions. It’s a good thing Illumination is already under the Universal banner they’re the perfect studio to control and guide a franchise which adamantly refuses to change or adapt, already well practiced in the art of not giving a shit with the Jurassic World franchise. The jaundiced pills are back, hollering and pratfalling their way through eighty-five minutes of mostly filler B-roll, a film which could easily be chopped up into those three-minute shorts Illumination use to make back when the first film released. This week is Minions 2: The Rise of Gru, a completely unapt title, but we’ll get there. In theaters this week, what else? Another film from Universal, one of only two studios left that still has a chance at erecting those lucrative tentpoles. “Did You Just Trade My Future for a Pet Rock?”
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